By Kaylin Young •
The buzz of a phone notification made Riley Jones’ face twitch as she tried to focus on the conversation happening in front of her. The social world living a screen away on her phone released a gravitational pull tugging her thumb to give fingerprint access to an alternate ‘cellular’ life. Circling her dinner table were three friends laughing about college memories, but it was lackluster compared to the 4,257 followers who hadn’t been updated on her night since her last Instagram story capturing her heeled feet walking into Nobu DC.
Caving, she grabbed her phone to scratch that social media itch and relished in the content of her notification, and without an awareness, she began spiraling down the rabbit hole of Instagram. With each swipe of her finger, Jones scrolled further down her timeline and became more deaf to the reality sitting in front of her. Jones, a mechanical engineer, is a millennial and this social media rabbit hole is where many of her peers have built permanent residence.
The inception of Facebook opened a world of communication, connection, and consequently, a great deal of mental complication. Since the birth of social media, mental health professionals have found themselves facing a new set of psychological norms. Having a live feed of friends’ accomplishments to scroll past and a myriad of filters to “correct” features that needn’t correction can place reactive emotions in the hands of friends and strangers by simply opening an app. As studies erupt and the worlds of social media and mental health collide, counselors are now adding social media to their list of specialties.
Millennials, the guinea pig generation of social media, have come of age with the rise of platforms like Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. Thus, making them the mass focus group for positive and adverse effects of the social network and communication.
Jones, 23, mirrors the life of many millennials who live in a constant state of refreshing - refreshing each platform for the latest video, tweet, or photo chronicling the lives of people around them. For Jones, she loves the connection, but she also sees the threat.
“I know it’s bad, but I can’t help it. I just feel like I’m missing out on so much when I’m not checking in on my phone. But I know the fact that it’s such a mindless activity is affecting my subconscious. It takes away from my ability to be present and it really adds to the narrative that we care too much about what people think. Like walking down the street, it doesn’t matter what people say, but posting on Instagram is literally curating a post for the people’s pleasure,” Jones said.
As people living and specializing in the era of scrolling, no one knows these effects better than the millennial-based counselors at Millennial Life Counseling (MLC) in Dallas, Texas.
Licensed marriage and family therapist at MLC, Anne Street, said social media has changed the outlook of life for those who came of age before its birth, but it has a unique effect on millennials themselves.
“Since millennials were born into this technology explosion, their way of relating to people has always been a little different. Often what I have seen in my work is that people’s phones have pulled them away from fully connecting to people in person. Not only that, but their devices have become a protective shield. If, for example, someone struggles with social anxiety, the phone may become a crutch that only makes their symptoms worse. Yes, they can hide themselves in their phones to avoid conversations with others (short-term relief), but long-term, this will leave them increasingly paralyzed in social situations,” she said.
This idea of social media exacerbating mental health issues is a common thought among psychology professionals, however, it has also created new syndromes altogether. Plenty of studies have found correlations between higher social media use and poorer mental health, including depression, anxiety, feelings of loneliness and isolation, lower self-esteem, and even suicidality. One study at the University of Missouri found that some test subjects who used social media excessively exhibited signs of a type of schizotypy known as social anhedonia. This condition is the inability to feel happy from activities that one would normally enjoy, including interacting with others.
Dr. Lenese Stephens, a licensed mental health therapist and owner of Hopeful Counseling in Lanham, Maryland believes this condition spills over into how people plan for certain events - searching for scenery or moments that will be good to post instead of good to experience.
“Social media supports messages of comparison. The whole platform is to promote what you’re doing or what you have, so if I’m on social media the majority of my day, the comparison factor is really being drilled into my head,” said Stephens.
This sense of comparison is what Dr. Shani Graves, a licensed mental health counselor in Brooklyn, New York, calls the “comparaholic syndrome” or the idea that everyone is living a better life than you.
The “comparaholic syndrome” of social media users is one reason why Sarai Charles, 25, only recently added herself to the the platforms, which she knows are just a “facade.”
“For social media, you need other people’s validation, and that’s why I never got it. It took me so long to garner a high sense of confidence within myself, so I didn’t want to add a social media mentality to that equation. Even though I just made an Instagram, I’ve been so used to not having one that most of the times, I forget it’s there. I’m not refreshing my page to check for likes or obsessing over comments,” she said.
Charles, a middle-school teacher, is an anomaly among her peers who “begged her for years” to make a page. But she finally relented to what Dr. Graves sees as a hugely-negative source for validation.
“For lack of better words, Instagram can be the devil. We compare ourselves to others on these platforms when we forget that these platforms are not exactly real. People only post the “good” times on social media – and even when they do post the bad times, even that is curated,” Graves said.
With a client demographic of millennials of color, Graves has seen the direct effect of social media on minorities, but she says the greatest issues platforms have produced are transcendent of ethnicities. “At a time when the media is pressing things that are harmful for people of color, it can affect us more because it is constantly shown and gives us a negative perception. But ultimately, the impact of social media is a people thing – not a race thing.”
Despite Graves’ views, a study by the Pew Research Center proves that eight-in-ten black American social media users say platforms like Twitter have amplified media attention to serve justice in otherwise overlooked situations.
When Florida’s “Stand Your Ground” law refused to serve justice for the murder of 17-year-old Trayvon Martin, the hashtag #BlackLivesMatter erupted as a national outcry to protect the lives of black youth. The social media attention poured out to the streets as protests raged, political figures and celebrities voiced their concerns and the last day of Martin’s life became the first day of a powerful dialogue and a hashtag that is still used approximately 17,000 times per day on social media outlets.
The use of hashtags such as #BlackLivesMatter have brought a sense of communal relief among blacks that stories of injustice are being spread, it has divided responses from white Americans, who at the same rate believe that social media protests distract from more important issues. The racial divide is not the only separation that social media has introduced. Dr. Lenese Stephens’ practice specializes in family counseling, which she said is specifically important today as children seem emotionally detached from their parents and older generations.
“It has changed it severely because a lot of older parents (parents of millennials) remember a time of no social media. So now, we have this great tool that keeps everyone connected (family-wise, which is what older adults use it for), it can create a lot of discord. Parents don’t always understand what happens within the trappings of social media and their children. There’s bullying, visuals that may go against a positive self-image, and more. To have access to something that may go against your family morals creates a large social gap between parents and children,” said Stephens.
In addition to misunderstandings and social gaps between children and parents, the motivation for families have also changed. Families who were once focused on saving for the future, promoting a healthy overall lifestyle to provide stability for younger generations may have divided household goals.
“My parents who lived a lifestyle without of social media have different motivations such as savings, healthy lifestyle, money to spend and save. But for the millennials, the motivations for life is different. Millennials have honed the spirit of the “hustle hard, play hard”. This means millennials are working themselves tirelessly to get something they might not ever have or enjoy,” said Stephens.
Whether it’s an exclusive vacation, expensive jewelry or unforgettable experience, the goal is to raise enough money to achieve a material or momentous thing in order to create a post to garner likes. This objective is far different from that of pre-social media adults who wanted to build enough capital to feel secure and privately enjoy simple luxuries. Stephens believes post-social media, there’s an unidentified marker because the motivation to enjoy something unidentified hasn’t been created.
One identified goal that millennials on social media are constantly chasing is #CoupleGoals, or what Dr. Donna Right, lead therapist of Annod Right in Largo, Maryland, notes as a leading cause of her clients’ fights.
“The fights I see today is about the things that are posted/not posted on social media. Sometimes it’s too much information being put out on social media and one partner will deflect to public opinion instead of honor their partner’s opinion. Then, when that comes back into the relationship and one partner refers to how many people on social media sided with him or her, it becomes a larger problem,” she recalled.
In 2017, Pew Research Center found that 45 percent of millennials said social media had a large impact on their relationships. When New York Times reported on the study and newly-minted boundaries within relationships, some of the most common included unspoken rules that partners are expected to know. These include liking photos of exes, planning dates at Instagram-worthy locations, reaching for the phone post-sex to scroll through photos of other women.
Right, who specializes in sex therapy, says that even though social media can be a distraction from the reality of a relationship and the post-sex-phone-grab is not the exact source for a lower libido.
“Depending on who you’re following, like fitness pages, it’s a lot of self-shaming. There isn’t a real call for body diversity – or diversity overall, from complexion to hair type. These things translate to not feeling confident about what they see in the mirror, and in turn, what they see in bed,” said Right.
For her clients who feel emotionally depleted after a scrolling session or cannot find the upside of social media but still participate, Right says it’s important to know and access personal power if deactivating your accounts is not an option.
“Generally, I don’t tell people to stop using it. I tell them at the very least, expand your visual palette. There is a need to change your visual diet by seeing people who look like you. I remind people that you don’t know what is going on behind the picture – couples can smile for a photo and go right back to arguing after posting. We don’t really know what’s going on in their everyday lives. Following new accounts and unfollowing accounts that make you feel bad about yourself,” said Right.
Apps like Talkspace have redirected the focus of millennials staring at their phones to create a space where concerns and mental health adversaries can be discreetly discussed. Talkspace allows millennials to reach out and gain therapy over the phone in an affordable way and in a format that feels comfortable, easy to use, and a familiar way. The platform is ideal for millennials without insurance or unable to afford face-to-face therapy, want to avoid the stigma of being seen at a physical facility or are seeking an immediate way to connect.
Dr. Amy Cirbus, Talkspace’s Manager of Clinical Quality says recording emotional responses and routines can help when navigating social media.
“Millennials can be mentally responsible using social media by creating good boundaries around how much and when they engage online, creating awareness of the difference between what is occurring in a person's live life versus what is posted online, and by balancing time spent with friends and family with time spent engaging online,” said Cirbus.
“They can also try to think about when they are turning to social media and identify when it’s used recreationally as opposed to when they’re turning to online sources as a reaction to certain emotions or to resist doing something healthy in their life. Some things they can try include limiting use by creating a schedule, coming up with alternative ways of interacting with friends, creating blocks of time where the phone is turned off.”
As her acrylic nails slowed their clack at Riley’s glass screen, she looked up to her friends whose chatter had silenced. Each woman’s eyes were glued to their own illuminated phone, one friend donned a slight smirk, while another did a one-handed scroll while the other hand subconsciously lifted a wine glass to her lips, and the last threw her head back with a muted giggle before quickly snapping her eyes back to her Twitter video. Riley sighed. And then picked up her phone once again.